Web I’M Dying

One morning I woke up, lying in my bed, flat on my back, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling fan. I’m going to have a heart attack. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But one day, it is going to happen. There is no history in my family of heart issues, and the people in my family tend to live long, healthy lives. My grandmother passed away when she was 96. Longevity is on my side. But, staring at that ceiling fan, I was completely convinced. My heart had now been beating for over 50 years, one day it was eventually going to get tired and just stop.

If I died of a heart attack, people would say, well, she was in her 50’s. It would be understandable and acceptable. I reached over to my nightstand, grabbed my phone, and Googled WebMD; Signs and Symptoms of a Heart Attack. For women, the signs are chest pain, fatigue, nausea, jaw pain, upper back pain. I took mental notes. I figured that knowing the early signs and symptoms would give me time to get to the hospital as quickly as possible so the emergency room staff could save my life. 

Going about my day, I took a trip to the grocery store. While doing my weekly food shopping, I decided to head over to the pharmacy counter. My husband always has a prescription or two ready. That man is on so many medications. I’m not even sure what he is on and what they are for, but they keep him alive, so I just leave it at that.

While waiting for the pharmacist to check his computer, I began to browse the medical equipment next to the register. There was an array of thermometers, heating pads, cold packs, ace bandages, and; oh, a blood pressure cuff. It was the kind that goes around your wrist. I picked it up and tossed it in my cart, along with a pulse oximeter. As soon as I begin to have my heart attack, I could check my vitals. 

I was obsessed with checking my vitals. I would check them in the morning, check them at night. I would check them after doing any strenuous activities like folding laundry or scrubbing the showers. If I felt a little lightheaded, I would check my vitals. I kept my new toys on the windowsill above the kitchen sink. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen so I figured this is probably where I would be when my heart attack happened. 

One evening, while I was preparing dinner, I took a little break and grabbed my blood pressure cuff. I waited for the results and when they finished calculating, my eyes almost popped out of my head. 160 over 120. That is not good. I wasn’t sure how to read a blood pressure, but I knew the bottom number should never go over 90. I almost began to hyperventilate.

I ran into the bedroom where my husband was and showed him the reading. I was panting and stuck my wrist out for him to see. He rolled his eyes and demanded to know where I got that thing. He then said that those things weren’t accurate and to retake it. I did and waited. 110 over 79. I wasn’t convinced. I took it again. 105 over 80. Okay. That’s much better. 

A few weeks later, it was 4 am, and I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. As I was brushing my teeth, I felt a pain in my chest. I wasn’t too alarmed. It was only one of the list of symptoms I read about. But then, I began to feel pain in my upper back. Okay, so there are now two. I was still good. And then, a wave of nausea followed by a pain in my jaw. I rinsed the toothpaste out my mouth, clutched my chest and ran out of the bathroom.

There was no time for me to take my vitals. I woke up my husband.  Take me to the Emergency room! I demanded. My husband shot up and asked what was wrong. I told him I was having a heart attack and I needed to go to the ER now! My husband began to get dressed and I called my workplace. I told my supervisor that I would not be at work. My husband was taking me to the ER due to chest pains. He told me to feel better. I rolled my eyes. Obviously, he didn’t understand that chest pains meant heart attack.

I combed my hair, slipped on some comfortable clothes and grabbed an extra sweater. The hospital ER’s are always so cold. I asked my husband if he wanted to bring a sweater too, but he declined. And I thought to myself, he’s probably going to regret that decision when he’s sitting in the ER freezing. So, as the caring wife that I am, grabbed him a sweater too. 

After we arrived at the ER, I pretty much convinced the intake personnel that I was actively having a heart attack, so they took me right in. Stretched out on the hospital bed, I was hooked up to a blood pressure cuff and a heart monitor. My husband sat across from me in a hard back chair with his arms crossed. He looked tired and cold. I reminded him that I brought his sweater at least four times, but he refused to put it on. Here I am, having a heart attack, and I’m more worried about him than I am about myself.

After five long, cold, exhausting hours, the doctor entered the room to advise me that all my vitals were stable. He said that it could have been indigestion or a bit of anxiety and the nurses would be in to give me my discharge papers in a moment. I asked him if he was absolutely certain there was nothing wrong with my heart. I know my body better than he does, and I know what I was feeling. There was something definitely wrong with my heart and maybe it wasn’t happening at that exact moment, but I was sure it would happen as soon as I left the hospital.

He assured me that I was fine and gave me a list of over the counter medications I could take for indigestion. He then let me know that if I felt it could be anxiety, he would be happy to give me a list of psychiatrists in the area that took my insurance. With that, my husband, who was still sitting in the hard back chair with his arms crossed, sat up and began to laugh. 

Before driving home, my husband and I decided to stop for brunch. It was almost 10:30 and neither one of us had eaten nor even had a cup of coffee. We stopped at our favorite diner. I sat across from my husband sipping my coffee looking down, feeling silly and exhausted. My husband, who looked equally exhausted, was sipping on his unsweet tea. He put his glass down and, in a soft sweet, loving voice said “It’s okay honey. Maybe next time you will have a real heart attack.” I looked up at him and we both laughed. 

Weeks later, I got my portion of the emergency room bill. After my insurance, my supplemental insurance, and since I had not yet met my deductible, I owed $1,500.00 to the hospital for a non heart attack. I swore to myself, my WebMD days were over!!

-Desiree